So, I’m sure you may be wondering a bit about the writer and why I’m so interested with the queer community. Well, every passion stems from something personal. I identify as a queer Chicana mujer, my sexuality is fluid and it is unrestrained. I am a borderland child and am in love with it. I am proud of who I am and what I represent.

I love who I am,  although that wasn’t always the case.

Growing up in a devout Catholic household, being the middle child of nine, and having very traditional parents didn’t really help out my “situation” too much. The first time I questioned my sexuality, was during the innocent age and time of high school.

My best friend at the time was queer and the first time I remotely considered dating her, I rejected the notion as fast as it had transpired. I wasn’t queer. I kept telling myself that over and over. However, my situation told me differently.  Time and feelings contradicted themselves and eventually I found myself drawn to my best friend and then I found myself as her girlfriend.  Even then I kept telling myself I wasn’t queer, this was simply an isolated situation.

Kept telling myself that my girlfriend was queer but I wasn’t.  Oh, my naïve 17-year old self.

My interest with the queer population is not only a self-fulfilling quest but it is also my curiosity to see and hear and talk to others like myself and understand how they confront the issues I know the queer community must endure.

I know what it was like to hide a secret that big from family and friends. To introduce your girlfriend as your “best friend”.  To deny yourself happiness because being queer/gay is not accepted and therefore you can’t accept yourself.  To finally come out while tears stream down your face because you just realized what it means.

These issues aren’t just mine, they belong to others of the queer community.

I experience the world around me through every part of my identity. My queerness is a battle with the world some days and others it’s at peace. The world expresses itself, sometimes positively sometimes negatively, to my queerness. Regardless, it’s mine.

And even though it is difficult some days, I find beauty in the struggle.

Here is a short poem I wrote about it:

When Queer has Power

With my queer I will break you

Gay tongues, eyes, and minds will shake you

Your heteronormativity will fall

Your whiteness, sex, gender, your porcelain doll

Will crack, burst, break, come down from tall

Your capitalism will destroy you, your “normal” will unnormal

Your institutions will implode and beauty will unfold

Heteronomative will be antiquated, degenerating minds frustrated

And my natural will be beautiful

I’ll give thanks to my tongue and her eyes

To our love that defies

That breaks your small box and leaves you in shock

I’ll give thanks to her soothing breasts and how they make your normal a mess

I’ll give thanks to our dancing tongues and for a bit of truth that’s just been sung

Give thanks to the two hearts that beat as one.

-Dora la Exploradora 

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About ocbarrios

Professor for Cal State Fullerton's Barrio Studies class for Fall 2011 semester

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